Twisted Scribble: An Escapade with A Sensual Spirit

today i did a good deed for a questioned cause.

everytime you ask your mind whether the action reflects your cause, then your good old faithful heart reminds you of things behind things. why do we need reasoning?

cant we just do a thing for the sake of it?

cant we just be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship… instead of mending our loneliness, wanting to love and be loved, desiring someone, using them or even expecting to grow up with it (which is a wiser reasoning)…???

cant we just love God for the sake of loving Him (or Her or It) … and not because He (or She or It) is the Supreme and supposed to be loved or due to His (or Her or Its) initial love or oddly because we’re afraid of Him (or Her or It)…???

I love driving aimlessly and tuning on my CD with blasting sound. Today i decided to detour, made an extra few kms just to listen to Blaque "I’m Good"… attempting to synchronise my feelings with the tune.

So i thought i had no reasoning. But i knew at the back of my mind i was trying to convince myself to feel good, listen to the song… with a hope that i’d walk in with a smile. You see, there’s always a reason… always…

The ultimate question of human race would probably be "what is the reason i live in this world?"

My housemates and I just had a rather higher degree conversation, talking about life, reincarnation and ET… (i was shocked that after a very long time, a group of chicks can finally have a quality conversation without ‘boys’ concern in it :))

I wouldn’t deny the existence of ET creature… we have no disprove. (thanks to my beloved’s penchant for sci-fi materials, now passed on me)

And a key to knowledge is to assume that the pre-set things you believe to be true are wrong (be it "you have to get married with someone from your tribe" or "atom is the smallest particle" notions) and all the things you know wrong are right (i wouldnt jump the gun and present extreme stuff like "sins and judgement day" but perhaps things like "duck’s quack doesn’t echo" would be more comfortable for newbies)

well in other words… be open to possibilities.

To my beloved who probably reads my stuff, i brought back the Conversations With God book with me, sorry darl… but it’ll be great resource for your philosophy drama or … life… ours?

Last words… PANTS OFF! i’ve been jiggling to wee…

God i love you

even if in the end You refuse to salvage me… i still love You…

my life is an unfinished orgasm at the moment.

confused and unsatisfied.

even though it’s not the bottom line of all, but something clutters my mind. my beloved loves me and vice versa. love stays but doubt never leaves. blame myself for being unbended, blame him to be too honest, blame the universe for uniting us, blame the love… to be…

how much should you give up in a relationship? be it lovers, family, friends and God.

well, God has granted me life and joy, that’s for sure. sometimes i’m idiotic enough to be reluctant to switch the button on.

my love, my fears, all shaken up, in a fresh smoothie called life, virtually and dreams.

my love manifests virtually.

my fears haunt me in a subconscious world. every sleep, almost every night, someone chases me… run baby, run…

my family is always in the picture. why them?

God, are you playing with me?

i’m shaken and afraid… have i been doing things right?

but He said "dont be afraid, my child"

i believe nothing’s wrong… or right as a value judgement. it’s only when it does not serve our highest purpose.

but God, i plan things too… You said you gives me freedom , please God, dont play with my mind… You’re one cheeky creator

things might go wrong… but why should i be afraid if i have You?

God, i love him… but my heart was broken for a while. not only due to the confession, but it kills me to realise that i judged him. God, who am i to judge him?

I’m just afraid, Big Dude. just afraid…

"Fear is the opposite of love" "Love … and you shall not fear"

Baby… love is unconditional…  dont distract yourself with fear… love brings joy…

no one has perfect history… easy to say… when you face the truth, your heart aches… longs for justification and delusion…

When you love, you dont lose…

Baby, love…