Twisted Scribble: An Escapade with A Sensual Spirit

Hey God!

How you doing?

I hope it’s still serene and majestic up there…

I wonder if YOU had ever been bored by Heaven’s stuff. YOU know, of course it’s all holy and perfect, but have you ever felt that YOU missed something that’s unavailable on Heaven but loosely disposed on earth?

Well, i guess YOU might think i’m preposterous to be having said that as people will give themselves to death to be admitted up there, plus YOU create everything, so pretty much YOU have experienced good and bad stuff, on earth and Heaven (hence, Jesus)… is it true?

DUDE, i’m learning so hard NOT to judge YOU, NOT to ASSUME that YOU are this and that. Church teaches me to know YOU by learning the Bible. That’s it is the ONLY way to reach and to know YOU. is it true?

I mean, i like church so much. i like to be in the house where people praise, worship and pray to YOU. But sometimes they make me feel like a perfect sinner, YOU know, like today. Please remind YOU that by "they" i mean the people in church, NOT the church itself.

Do YOU see me that way? A perfect sinner?

Or is that just the tool they use to make you feel stuck with no choice but to repent? NO alternative, they say.

What’s the point of repenting? My comprehension would read the act of a remorsed person to gain a way to retrieve his/her soul and to rekindle their relationship with YOU. but, is there only one way to repent? Coz church has been telling me so. is it true?

I wanna foster a relationship with YOU, BIG DUDE… i mean ‘cool relationship’ more precisely.
YOU know me before i was formed in my mom’s womb, hence my character and my life are an open book for you.

YOU know that i dont like being confined and restricted.
YOU know that i dont like being dictated.
YOU know that i dont like being left with no options.
YOU know that i like to laugh and being cheeky.
YOU know that i like to learn something old and new.
YOU know that i like to smell the rain.
YOU know that i have some hidden secrets, perfectly folded.
YOU know that i have some weaknesses in guys… well, gorgeous guys i might add
YOU know that i have a crave for cheap and juicy celebrity goss.
YOU know that i love my family even though they dont know it and sometimes i hate to admit it.
YOU know that i love my beloved and friends.
and more importantly,… YOU know that i love YOU.

So, is it possible to have a relationship with YOU that is tailored to my character?

I mean, can i talk to you or worship you without having to form a ‘prayer position’?.
I mean, can i communicate with YOU in my head and my heart?
I mean, can i share dark and naughty secrets and ideas with you, which are most likely defined as ‘unholy’ by church people?
I mean, can i pour out all my joy and sorrow anytime i like?
I mean, can i talk to you like i talk to any other people, along with a significant respect for sure, but not all too formal and pretentious (hehehe)?
I mean, can i be mad at YOU for some ridiculous reasons?
I mean, can we have a ‘cool relationship’ without any boundaries, treat each other as a friend (i mean like friend in real world, not just as a slogan church likes to use… where in fact it’s not a very friendly relationship) ?

Well, GOD, actually i wanna dedicate this posting to thank YOU. Not that this is my only medium to send YOU my gratitude, but i want the whole world to know what YOU’ve done in my life.

BIG DUDE, thanks for everything, i know YOU are awesome and cool.

Thanks that i have a family, who loves me, despite all the disagreements and control they impose to me, along with the persistent justification of ‘doing it for my own good’.

Thanks that i have my beloved, who loves me the most when i couldnt return it, who takes me as i am… in practise… (yes, it’s not just a boyfriend’s promise or slogan i used to hear a lot without any delivery) and who corrects my english grammar (which i dont enjoy hehhee).

Thanks that i have cool friends, who even though sometimes they offend me or piss me off, they still care about me and become the place to find solace and comfort.

Thanks that i finally snagged two jobs (not one) that sometimes seem a bit daunting and it takes some time before i get the pay out.

Thanks that YOU are there when shits happen (i mean NOT as the cause, but as the Counselor)… and that YOU remind me that bad judgements that i made or undesirable behaviours that i committed dont always constitute Who I Am.

Thanks that i’ve become me. That despite my whacky family, unavoidable expectations, irksome ‘english lesson’, bad allegations, few ‘trials’ and hectic days, i still manage to see the beauty of life. Even though my life is not always on the right track, i am still able to talk to YOU. Even though YOU allow me to experience low feelings, YOU wont let me drown in them and pick me up on the right time.

and lastly… Thanks for being my GOD…

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 15th, 2005 at 2:46 am and is filed under My friendship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.